Coffeehouse observation No. 344 – Funny barista rant song!

[OK, this is funny. True, he might go a little overboard, but haven’t we all wanted to rant like this about something or other. Too bad Starbucks couldn’t take a freakin’ joke. – KM]

Starbucks barista disses picky patrons | CNN videos

Click for the YouTube video.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 319 – Not a reflection of coffeehouse humor

The guy sitting at the next table is not nearly as funny as he thinks. Not nearly at all.

And, no, I am not sitting next to a mirror.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 318 – Intravenous coffee, please

I arrived at the coffeehouse earlier than normal and I’m feeling as if I need a coffee IV.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 315 – This guy is trying too hard

OK, a beret and long hair tied in a ponytail? Really? This bozo is really trying too hard to fit in at the coffeehouse.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 314 – Lunch doesn’t mean finger food or finger talk

It’s lunchtime and the guy at the next table at the coffeehouse is talking about how one of his employees had a finger amputated. … At lunch you’re taking about amputations?! And in way too much detail?! At lunch?! … Really?!

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Coffeehouse observation No. 311 – Hot, steamy coffee on a rainy day

The weather in California has been, well, to say the least, weird this year. It’s raining on the first day of June. By now we normally would have experienced a couple of 90-degree days, but I cannott recall even one so far.

It’s been gray, cloudy, rainy and windy today. It truly feels like fall or winter in Northern California.

It’s just the right weather for a hot, steamy cup of coffee enjoyed in an inviting coffeehouse. I’m sucking down the house blend at Pure Grain Café, my temporary coffeehouse headquarters for the week that I am in Vacaville cat-, house- and mansion-sitting. Nothing quite like a hot, steamy cup of coffee – or tea, in a pinch – to chase away the chill of foul weather.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 309 – Former coworker was an ‘excitable boy’

Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy."

Warren Zevon's "Excitable Boy."

A former coworker, Brian Hamlin, died not long ago. To give you an idea of the type of unique fella Brain was, they played Warren Zevon’s “Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner” at his funeral. … Now I’m listening to the Zevon album at the coffeehouse and enjoying fond memories of a great journalist – and an excitable boy – gone far too soon.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 306 – The store is closed, folks; Really it is

The at&t store across the street from the coffeehouse has been closed for the past week or so. There are several signs reading “This AT&T location has closed.” But at least every hour someone – a current or prospective at&t customer, it can be assumed – walks up to the door, pulls on the handle, rattles the door just to make sure that it is in fact locked, and puts their hands up to their faces to shield their eyes from the glare as they peer into the closed store. Some have even grabbed the handle again and tried the door one more time before walking away with a slightly befuddled look on their faces. The store is closed, folks. Trust me.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 305 – ‘Pirates of the Caribbean’ at the coffeehouse

The guy sitting in front of me at the coffeehouse looks a lot like Johnny Depp. And I think on purpose.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 303 – The smell of victory

I love the smell of coffee in the morning. … It smells like … victory!

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Coffeehouse observation No. 302 – Cigarettes to make breath minty fresh … or mints to make breath ashtray unfresh

A woman is sitting outside the coffeehouse and she just pulled a cigarette from an Altoid’s tin. Sort of like mints to make your breath smell like an ashtray.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 301 – Sweet, sweet … sweet … coffee

I just watched a guy put about six sugars in his coffee. Why bother with the coffee? … What an amateur!

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Coffeehouse observation No. 299 – I drink coffee and it must be genetic

Can’t get enough coffee? It might be in your genes | Time.com

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Coffeehouse observation No. 298 – So few people, so much annoyance

Is it bad that .00000001 percent of the world’s people annoy me 98 percent of the time? … I might be off a couple of zeroes in that first percentage.

Go to Coffeehouse Observer for more coffeehouse observations.

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Coffeehouse observation No.297 – Coffee and Girl Scout cookies!

I’m drinking coffee and eating Girl Scout cookies. Yeah! That’s right!

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Coffeehouse observation No.296 – Today’s guest commentary

[Sometimes the best stuff that happens in a coffeehouse happens to my friends in coffeehouses when I’m not around. Here’s something a former colleague and Facebook connection posted to my wall and it seemed appropriate here as a guest commentary. – KM]

“I thought of you today. My daughter took me to a cafe in SF and while we were sitting there, this young woman answers her cellphone and then proceeds to have a too-loud conversation with her mother in which she complained bitterly about her father while debating whether to see him or not, then discussed ad nauseum her psychiatric condition and which of the recommended medications she should take. I just kept thinking, ‘Anyone who thinks this is a conversation that should be done in public is clearly disturbed.’”

 

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Coffeehouse observation No. 295 – Caressing those keys like a jackhammer

I read somewhere not too long ago that the average life expectancy for a laptop is about three years. After all, laptops are portable … and drop-able. The guy sitting at a nearby table is caressing the keyboard on his laptop like a jackhammer, slamming down each key in staccato fashion. I think he is affecting the curve and bringing down the life expectancy average.

By the way, I don’t get the feeling that he is angry – at the laptop or in general – but merely mindlessly abusive to the laptop.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 293 – Let’s reunite this bike with this barista

Reunite this bicycle with this barista.

Reunite this bicycle with this barista.

Hey there! For anyone living in Stockton – especially those living or venturing near Yosemite and Harding – please keep an eye out for this bicycle. It was stolen yesterday. The sentimental value is high and the bicycle’s owner – a barista at Empresso on the Miracle Mile in Stockton — would very much appreciate its return.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 292 — Regretting going without coffee today

I skipped coffee this morning and now I’m regretting it. … Quite bit.

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Coffeehouse observation No. 291 – Girl Scout cookies go quite nicely with coffee

The Girl Scout Cookies are freed from their bondage.

The Girl Scout Cookies are freed from their bondage.

[I received a fun package yesterday from my scouting niece Sophie. Actually, she is my only niece, but she is in a scouting organization, so she’s also my “scouting niece.” Regular readers may recall that I have lamented in the past that the packages my family sends me from time are full of sugary treats. At my age, who needs the extra pounds. Oy! So, I made my family promise to not send me any more sugary treats. But then the Girl Scouts – well, mostly their mothers – started hitting me up to help fill their cookie quotas. So, I had to send my sister a note to clarify that in no way was my earlier dictate to reflect the Girl Scout Cookie Season. That, I made it clear to her, was not the case. Girl Scout Cookies were OK for my diet. And they go very nicely with coffee. … I have a feeling I will be gaining a few pounds in the next few days. – KM]

Dear Sophie:

I received a package yesterday that you and Mommy sent to me. Inside were very yummy Girl Scout Cookies. I wanted to thank you very, very much. I am sure I will enjoy them. Thank you.

Now, I just have to decide which cookies to start with.

Love,

Uncle Keith

P.S. Please say “Hi” to your brother Max. I miss you both very much.

A package is opened.

A package is opened.

A cookie is liberated.

A cookie is liberated.

The first bite …

The first bite …

And another ...

And another ...

Just one more bite left …

Just one more bite left …

And now my hand is free to grasp another cookie.

And now my hand is free to grasp another cookie.

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